Next to being a husband, the role of a father is the most important role a man can assume. Psychology and sociology have proven time and time again that no figure has a greater impact on the moral stability of a society than that of a father. If that’s true, how much are you studying to be the best possible father you can be? How much effort do you put into understanding the significance of that calling? This blog post is intended to give fathers some important tools that will help them raise their sons to be everything that God has called them to be. Here are seven things that every father should teach his son.

1. God is His Source

We were designed to be dependent. Teaching your son to trust in God for all of his needs, is the single most important thing you can do for him. There will be times when you won’t be able to pick him up when he falls, offer him that bit of wisdom he needs, or help him financially. Truth is, you won’t be around forever. When your son knows that he has a heavenly Father who will always be there beside him to provide for his every need, he can live in full faith and confidence that his back is covered even when his earthly father can’t be there.

2. His Potential is Limitless

A son won’t live a life beyond how he sees himself. What he believes he’s capable of will always be the ceiling to what he can achieve. Helping him understand his identity in Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit within him is what will release his limitless potential. God has a mission for us and we’re destined to fulfill it. Your son must see himself as the solution to humanity’s problems. He must see himself as the light of the world and the salt of the earth. He must know that with God, anything is possible.

3. Humility is a Must

God says that He opposes the proud but favors the humble. (James 4:6) That is also true with human beings. No one likes a proud and arrogant person. If you are; kind, humble, and teachable, you’ll continue to find favor with others. Teach your son that finding favor with people is essential to promotion and critical to fulfilling his purpose. The bible refers to Moses as the humblest man on earth during his time. It was no coincidence that the humblest man on earth also had the most important calling – leading God’s people.

4. He Has the Freedom to Fail

A son has a deep desire within him to make his father proud. That feeling is also true for us with our Heavenly Father. Everyone would love to get everything right the first time. The fact is that we don’t always do. That’s where grace comes in. Grace takes the pressure off of us to be perfect and gives us freedom to fail and admit when we’re wrong. The consequences for our mistakes are many times, punishment enough. Let your son know that he can trust you to not speak harshly to him or condemn him when he’s made a mistake. Let him know that just as it is with our Heavenly Father, he should never fear coming into your presence.

5. Correction is a Gift

There will be times when it seems that our sons may never learn their lesson. Sadly, too many never do. The reason can usually be traced back to a lack of correction and discipline. When a son is continually and purposefully making the same mistakes, correction is necessary. The bible tells us that God disciplines those he loves.(Hebrews 12:6) That means God doesn’t discipline his children from a place of anger, but from love. Likewise, let your son know that the reason for your correction is purely motivated by your love for him and that it is necessary for getting him on a path that is better than the one he is currently on.

6. God Will Bless Everything He Does

God is always better than we think He is. Just as we are continually rooting for our sons to be successful, our Heavenly Father is enthusiastically singing over us and cheering us on! There are many instances in the bible where God promises to prosper his children. Deuteronomy 28:8 says that God will guarantee a blessing on everything you do! It also says that if God is for you, who can be against you?(Romans 8:31) Assuring your son that he has all of heaven backing him up, will give him rest in knowing that no weapon formed against him by the enemy will prosper.

7. Women are Precious

A son starts learning how to treat a woman by the example his father sets for him. Little eyes are watching when you least suspect it and don’t think for a second that your son won’t end up with your character traits. The identity we give women in our minds will govern the way we choose to treat them. There is one word that can be used to sum up how men should learn to perceive women, “precious”. It may be a paradigm shift for men to think of women in this way, but if we view them as such, God will be pleased with how you treat his daughters. Teach your son from an early age to regard women as they are, precious.

Final Thoughts

Remember that you are not just a father, but you are and always will be a son and you can’t teach what you haven’t learned. Ask the Father to take you deeper into understanding each of these principals so that you can teach your sons and grandsons to carry them into future generations. God has given you the privilege of being a father, but they are His sons first and yours second. You are simply a steward of what He has given you. So shepherd your sons in the way that they should go.

"A few months ago, whenever we were with my parents I would randomly hear Jay call my mom “momma”. His words had just started to become more clear so I couldn’t tell if he was saying some variation of “grandma” or if he was really calling her “momma”. I would correct him and say “no, that’s grandma”. After several occasions, I have to admit, it started to make me a little sad. I didn’t want him calling anyone else mom. After all, I carried him in my belly looking like a large whale for 9 months, went through 40 hours of labor and lost countless hours of sleep when he was a newborn. I EARNED the title “momma” and I should be the only one he calls it! One day, I was upstairs at their house and wanted to ask my mom a question so I called out “Mom?” and what do you know, little Jay next to me says “MOMMA!” Finally, my question had been answered. He was simply copying what I said. A few months after that mystery had been solved I noticed it again, but with my husband. I would call out “Josiah” throughout the house. And just like before little Jay would call out “SIIIAHHH!” looking for his daddy. The only way I could seem to keep people’s names straight was to call them what I wanted Jay to call them. I’d start calling my mom “grandma” (or “mema” as he started calling her) and my husband “dad”. While a little strange at first, I realized I have a lot of influence over what comes out of his mouth and, to go a little deeper, how he acts. The game is called copycat and I need to be a good cat for him to copy.

I have experienced a lot of big revelations throughout my journey as a mom. The first came when I found out I was pregnant. Even though we were trying to get pregnant, when the stick showed a + sign, it just hit me. We. Are. Having. A. BABY! Next one came when little Jay kicked my belly for the first time. We. Are. Growing. A.HUMAN! Then I had one at about 8.5 months pregnant, when our midwife told us our little Jay was going to be around 9 pounds at birth. He. Is. Coming. Out. Of. WHERE? When Jay was about a year old, I looked at him one day and just saw myself in his eyes, his nose, his personality. He. Was. MY. Baby. The most recent revelation came a a couple weeks ago. He sees AND hears. EVERYTHING! That revelation held a lot of pressure for me. I realized that when his Sunday School teacher gives me an update on his behavior it is shaped by the behavior I either encourage or discourage at home. I realized that when he plays sports when he's older and his coach describes his attitude after a lost game, it’s the attitude that I’m displaying or lacking at home. I realized that when he gets married and his wife talks about all the wonderful things she loves about him, it will be influenced by the love and respect he sees from his mom and dad’s marriage. What kind of behavior do I want him to have when I’m not there? What kind of man do I want him to grow up to be?

As parents, we must say, act and BE who we want our kids to be. We cannot expect them to be more than we are. While it may happen anyways and while ultimately who are kids end up being is based on their choices, we have a big influence over that result. Recently, our pastor spoke on obedience. Specifically, on the importance of not only training your children to be obedient but for you, as an adult, to learn obedience as well. He cited Deuteronomy 6:6-7, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” The main takeaway I got from the message was that, in order to teach something to my children, those principles, lessons, characteristics etc. need to be in my own heart. If I don’t know how to be obedient, my child won’t learn how to be obedient (at least not from me anyway).

Wow.

Just thinking through all of the things I have yet to learn can make this feel discouraging. And quite frankly this could easily open up the door for excuses. I’m young. I’m a black female and our society works against me. I was abandoned as a child. Let me be very clear- these are all excuses. We have to remind ourselves that we are not a victim of our circumstances. I make choices. I have the freedom to make decisions and I have the power to choose to be a great example for my children. Don’t be discouraged by all the things you haven’t mastered yet. As you learn them, your children will learn them.

It is so exciting to think that just like your last name tells people who your family is, your children’s behavior can do the same. People’s positive opinions of your child can be attributed to you. You get all the credit. Well maybe not ALL the credit, but a good amount. Next week I’m going to share about my lesson in grace and forgiving myself for being an imperfect mom. So, even though you get the credit for the good, the bad, and the ugly part of your children, you don’t need to be perfect. You aren’t expected to be. That is not the standard. Just work every day to be your best. And since you're children are going to copy you no matter what you do, aim to have them copy your best self as much as possible. Keys to this are sleep, coffee and spa trips… in my opinion!

Stay encouraged!

Olivia"

7 Things Every Father Should Teach His Son

Mommy Lesson 2: A Good Cat to Copycat